Sept. 28, 2006-April 2, 2008
Risa on: Futons
Why can some couches be beds, yet no beds can be couches?
Risa on: Sugar-free, fat-free Jello Pudding
Even sans sugar, nothing this chocolatey and delicious could have so few calories and not not be made of cancer.
Courtney on: Love bugs (the insect)
For the Lord's sake. These "fornicating-in-flight" little shits need to be taken care of. They are in complete disregard of personal space and litter the front of my car with their filth, standing as a constant reminder of our perverse society. Where is the conservative Christian Right when you need them? (Making sure Judy Blume books don't make it to the shelf, I'm guessing.)
Courtney on: Love bugs (the car)
Your car looks like it is meant for an impossible number of circus clowns, or the leader of the Catholic Church. The first reaction people have when they see your chosen vehicle is to scream "punch buggy!" while slugging their neighbor. How can that be OK with you?
Risa on: Yom Kippur
I'm hungry.
Risa on: Slap bracelets
Most highly over-rated weapon ever. Hey teach, why don't you send me to the principal's office for owning a ruler? Have you realized I could easily affix my sparkly shoelaces into nooses? Does the fact that my Tomagochi is a blunt object not alarm you, too?
Courtney on: "The Pick-Up Artist" marathon, hour 1
What. In. The. Hell. Are you kidding me with this guy? "Mystery?" The only mystery is how this joker became an authority figure for the rest of these hapless men. Sweet Red Baron goggles, a-hole.
Courtney on: "The Pick-Up Artist" marathon, hour 2
If Mystery approached me at a bar, I would be signaling distress left and right. By the way, pony tails should be reserved for girls and/or Willie Nelson.
Courtney on: "The Pick-Up Artist" marathon, hour 3
You know what? Mystery isn't that bad. He has a cute smile and seems to care about helping these weirdos score. I respect.
Courtney on: "The Pick-Up Artist" marathon, hour 4
If there truly is a God, Mystery and I will one day become man and wife.
Courtney on: Microsoft Word spell checker
First, you riddle my papers with your red squiggles. Then, you pretend I spelled everything so tragically incorrect that you can't even venture a guess. "No spelling suggestion"!?! You are a freaking computer and you can't think of one word that maybe has the same general feeling of the one I just typed? Pretenduius Ignoreraymus!
Risa on: Lunchables
Why is it that people stopped eating them upon leaving elementary school? C'mon...it's a main course, drink and candy - all in one box! I understand it was embarrassing to be seen in the middle school cafeteria spreading watery tomato sauce and sprinkling plastic-y cheese on enlarged crackers in front of the cool rich kids who got to buy real pizza for lunch...but now those people are safely locked away in rehab or off raising their illegitimate children somewhere. I'm bringing Lunchables back, yeah. And should the Immature Food Police interrupt me in the office break room as I'm busily building my tacos and looking forward to eating my Nerds, I shall squirt them with my handy-dandy Capris Sun juice pouch.
Courtney on: Fiber
Moderation is key.
Courtney on: Eating Swedish Fish for dinner
Although an easy way to get your daily serving of the "red and gummy" food group, I do not recommend this to my readers. Contrary to its product name, I think they may only have half (to two-thirds) the health benefits of real fish, and none of the health benefits of a real Swede. Further, the line between main course and dessert is unsettlingly blurred. Last, and certainly most important, it's pretty hard to find a complementary wine.
Try Sour Patch Kids instead.
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