Risa on: Forgetting your wallet but not realizing until you're already at the checkout counter unloading your eggs and brownie mix.

I am a pain in my own ass.

Risa on: The first day of cool weather.

Makes for rockin', frizz-free hair. Ideal for skipping. Easy on the Milky Way you left in your glove compartment.

Risa on: Waiters who shouldn't be waiters.

I fully intended on leaving a very handsome tip to compensate for my somewhat meager order. Then you got all hostile on me for not splurging on kobe beef sliders and raspberry mojitos. So maybe my pal and I housed the complimentary bread basket and then split a sandwich - does that mean we don't deserve extra napkins and water refills? Sandwich eaters are people, too. So instead of 25 percent...you get 15 and a snooty blog post. 

Risa on: Bottled water.

Water is free, my friends. I don't spend my hard-earned skrilla on it. But to those of you who do: I'm running a half-price sale on air you won't want to miss. 

Risa on: Second-tier and has-been celebrities.

In a way, they're better off than the A-listers. They're able to live relatively normal lives without the never-ending scrutiny of the paparazzi that has driven some stars to drugs and forced others to wear underwear regularly. And they get to be on Dancing with the Stars.

Risa on: Football.

In football, 30 seconds lasts 30 minutes. Why can't other life experiences work that way? Like massages. Or lunch breaks. Or college. Or anything but football.

Risa On: Laying in bed watching movies by myself.

It's times like these I wonder why words like "lazy" and "hermit" have negative connotations.

Risa on: The gym.

Would be more bearable if cookies were involved.